These ten emotion regulation skills are crucial for personal happiness, success, and healthy relationships. If you find any of these challenging, don’t be discouraged! Consider them areas for growth. Get feedback from safe, trustworthy people in your life for accountability and growth!
1. Identifying Your Emotions: Can you pinpoint the specific emotions you’re experiencing? For example, do you understand the difference between jealousy and envy, or shame and embarrassment? (See the end of this article for the answers!) Are you aware of when you feel anxious, angry, or ashamed? Many people find it easier to recognize some emotions (like anxiety) than others (like shame).
2. Recognizing Others’ Emotions: Do you notice the nuances of others’ feelings? For instance, if your partner reacts angrily, can you see if they’re also feeling embarrassed, rather than just labeling them as “angry”? Try to identify specific emotions instead of simply saying someone is “in a bad mood.” Accurate emotional recognition allows for more effective responses. If you’re unsure, don’t hesitate to ask the person for clarification.
3. Pursuing Goals Despite Anxiety: Can you start and stick with your goals even when you feel anxious? Tolerating anxiety makes you more likely to try new things, persevere after initial setbacks, and complete projects successfully.
4. Tolerating Awkwardness: Can you communicate clearly and directly, even in awkward situations? For example, can you explain why you’ve decided not to use someone’s service, or do you avoid such encounters?
5. Handling Intimate Conversations: Do you engage in difficult conversations, or do you stonewall, avoid, or flee? For example, if your partner wants to discuss having another child and you disagree, do you refuse to talk about it, change the subject, or leave the room?
6. Resisting Pressure: Can you stand your ground when someone is pressuring you? For example, can you resist a salesperson’s attempts to upsell you by creating a sense of urgency or fear?
7. Self-Soothing: Do you know how to comfort yourself when something goes wrong, or you make a mistake?
8. Soothing Others: Do you feel confident in your ability to comfort others when they’re distressed?
9. Delaying Gratification: Can you wait? For example, if you’ve already had one serving of dessert, can you wait until tomorrow to eat the rest?
10. Managing Positive Emotions: Do you know how to make the most of positive feelings? For example, do you regularly schedule activities you know you’ll enjoy?
Answers to Emotion Identification Questions in #1: Jealousy is the fear of losing something you already have. Envy is the desire for something someone else has. Shame is the feeling that you are bad. Embarrassment is the feeling that you did something bad.
