I learned sexual addiction really isn’t about sex at all… It is an intimacy disorder—a desperate search for love, touch, affirmation, affection and approval,” writes Marnie Ferree, Director of Bethesda Workshops in Nashville, in her book No Stones. Ferree has dedicated her career to helping women struggling with sexual and love addiction, also known as an Intimacy Disorder. She explains that while sexual addiction offers a false intimacy and a temporary solution to legitimate needs, it stems from deep pain and loneliness, not simply a desire for physical gratification. The core cry of the heart, she argues, is for genuine intimate connection with oneself, with others, and with God.
My work with women battling an Intimacy Disorder begins with kindness, grace, and compassion. My primary goal is to help them learn to trust other women, fostering an environment free from shame and judgment. Making Advances, a comprehensive guide for treating female sex and love addicts, highlights that this addiction represents a profound inability to bond, often leading to psychological isolation and a deep-seated feeling of being “bad” and unworthy of love. These feelings often originate in childhood due to neglect, or physical, emotional, or sexual abuse—attachment injuries inflicted by caregivers during crucial developmental stages. These experiences fundamentally alter the ability to form and maintain healthy connections, creating painful templates for relationships and intimacy in adulthood. Consequently, many women with an Intimacy Disorder find the company of other women triggering, frightening, and nearly impossible to embrace, despite it being essential for their healing.
Group therapy provides a safe space for these women to share their stories and learn to build healthy relationships. Within the group, we establish clear rules and boundaries, including a confidentiality agreement. To encourage the development of genuine friendships, group size is limited to six members. Participants commit to consistent attendance and are generally in similar stages of recovery, with comparable ages and life circumstances, further fostering a sense of community and healthy intimacy.
The benefits of group work for the underlying Intimacy Disorder are numerous:
• Sharing stories without shame or judgment.
• Building trust and intimacy without sexual connotations.
• Developing vulnerability and honesty.
• Creating a balanced life, free from secrecy and lies.
• Experiencing honesty as a foundation for sobriety.
• Overcoming loneliness and finding understanding.
• Learning self-care and self-discovery.
• Achieving emotional intimacy and connection.
• Developing a healthy self-perception, replacing shame, guilt, and feelings of unworthiness.
• Experiencing genuine relationships with intimate connection – the very thing they’ve always longed for.
For more information about her Intimacy Disorder Group for Women email mary@lifeworks.ms.
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