Hello Everyone,
My name is Liz and I’m one of the LPCs at Lifeworks Counseling as well as an Associate Sex Therapist. In this post, we will explore two important and expansive topics that are often very misunderstood and cast with shame.
Sex and Sexuality.
Exploring these topics can often lead to much complexity and nuance but I am going to do my best to keep it as simple as possible for the purpose of this outlet.
To start, when asked, “what is sex,” many may initially respond with something having to do with reproduction. And while that may be true in many circumstances, I feel that an ever emphasis on the immediate connection of sex and reproduction limits so much and so many. There are a number of other varied responses you might receive if you ask someone what sex is, but my preferred outlook is something like this:
Sex is powerful, life-giving connection and vulnerable, self-giving pleasure.
I like this perspective of sex because it shows how broad and specific it can be at the same time. Specificity can be seen by looking at sex as a way of procreation or experiencing orgasm. And this is true. But even still there’s so much more to it. There is an intimacy within it that goes beyond that of genitalia. Literally like a full body, mind, and soul experience – or at least it could be if approached appropriately.
This then brings me to the next bit about trying to paint a simple picture of sexuality.
Some might allude to the idea that sexuality solely deals with who we want to have sex with or that it’s some dirty, uncontrollable part of human beings. However, both of those could not be further from the truth.
Sexuality, like sex, is so much more than what people often give it credit for.
Sexuality is not a part of ourselves that we need to be ashamed. Sexuality is not about focusing on genitalia. And sexuality is not something to be feared or suppressed.
Instead, sexuality is like DNA in a way – part of everything.
Sexuality is involved in how we interact with all of life around us, not just when we want to have sex. Our Sexuality and Sexual Self help us to understand the world, nature, and the people all around us. They help us to connect and grow emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually with ourselves and with others even without having sex.
A fun way of trying to picture how our Sexual Self can operate would be with the show, Avatar: The Last Airbender. If you’ve never seen it, I highly recommend giving it a go for good entertainment but also to better understand this reference.
Sexuality, much like the role of the Avatar in “Avatar: The Last Airbender”, is a dynamic, multifaceted force that exists far beyond a single aspect of human experience. The Avatar is not limited to just one element; they can connect with all four—water, earth, fire, and air—each representing a different facet of life and being. In a similar way, sexuality isn’t confined to just who someone desires or engages with physically. It encompasses how we express ourselves, how we connect with others, and how we relate to our own bodies, identities, and emotions. Just as the Avatar learns to balance and harmonize the elements within them, sexuality requires balance, awareness, and integration of various influences—cultural, social, personal, and spiritual. It’s not just about who we sleep with, but about how we understand and express our desires, boundaries, identities, and connections across all areas of life.
The Avatar’s role as a bridge between different worlds—human and spirit, physical and emotional, individual and collective—mirrors the way sexuality intersects with every part of our existence, far beyond the bedroom or physical intimacy. It’s not isolated to any one interaction or relationship, but woven into the fabric of our lives, shaping our experiences and relationships with the world around us. Sexuality, like the Avatar’s power, is expansive, flowing, and capable of transformation. In its most expansive form, sexuality is about how we experience and express our full humanity: our sensuality, our creativity, our intimacy, and our sacredness. It’s about how we navigate attraction, love, self-acceptance, power dynamics, vulnerability, and even spiritual connection. Just as the Avatar must constantly grow, adapt, and learn from different cultures and elements, sexuality is ever-evolving, influenced by internal desires, external forces, and the broader social landscape – a journey of self-discovery and connection. In this sense, both the Avatar and sexuality are about connection—connecting with oneself, others, and the world at large on a deeply holistic level. It is a process of integrating and understanding our own desires and identities while also learning how to align with the flow of life, connect with the divine within ourselves and others, and honor the sacredness of our being.
I bet you didn’t expect to learn this type of perspective on Sex and Sexuality, but isn’t it amazing!
Unfortunately, too many of us, especially in religious contexts, have been taught to tear down these parts of us, to suppress them, to fear them, to never discuss them, and to even see them as disgusting. This type of mentality will only lead to hurt and loss of such a large part of the Self as well as relational hurt on many levels, as can be seen in many cases throughout human history.
Sex and Sexuality are instead part of what make you, you. And since Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself, how about you try loving ALL of yourself as well as ALL of your neighbor’s self – especially the Sexual Self.
My hope is that this post has given you enlightenment in some way to begin (or continue) to grow in and understand these parts of life, in a more approachable way, because they are so worth it!
